I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
