Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
