Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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