we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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