I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
