At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
