I just cut my nipple shaving
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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