u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
