I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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