Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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