Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
