Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
