8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
