I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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