the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
