my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im part way to drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
