so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
