i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we should paint friendship bongs
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