I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
