Ambien. No doubt about it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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