it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
