spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Green mimosas i think yes
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
