remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
