Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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