I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
