I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
