He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
