Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
