Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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