if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
