Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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