i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
