I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
