Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
