he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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