It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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