Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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