She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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