my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
