I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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