I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
