I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
