would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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