I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
