So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
