but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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