He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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