Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
