Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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