Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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