Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
